I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
