i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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