Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
