I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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