when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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