You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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