He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
