I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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