That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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