dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
