Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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