for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
