yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
