i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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