I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
