i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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