Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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