Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
