either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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