I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
