if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
