He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
