well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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