Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
