Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
