It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
