so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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