i don't like sucking hair
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Shame is for Republicans.
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