The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
