I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
