I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
