WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
