Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
