The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
