great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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