I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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