Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
