based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
