How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I need water and some morals
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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