It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
