My girlfriend figured out who you are.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
