Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
