Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
