there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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