Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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