It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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