i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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