oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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