just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
