It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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