A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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