yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
