Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
