Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
