Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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