Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
